


Sniper Has a Problem

by TheFlutteringWhore



Category: Punch-Out!! (Video Games), Team Fortress 2
Genre: Dirty Talk, French, Hook-Up, I promise I won't pull any funny stuff, I'm leaving this vague as to draw you in dear reader, M/M, PWP, is it working?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:42:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25305454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFlutteringWhore/pseuds/TheFlutteringWhore
Relationships: Sniper/Glass Joe, Sniper/Spy (Team Fortress 2)
Kudos: 22





	Sniper Has a Problem

"So sick of that bloody backstabber. I don't need some French slut to make me happy."  
Sniper grumbled to himself, pissy about the fight he had earlier with his fuckbuddy/possibly boyfriend Spy. Usually, he loved that Spy was sassy and puts up a fight, but the bastard really did get on his nerves sometimes.  
"Nnng, need to get my mind off it…don't feel like gettin' drunk..."  
He looked at the buildings as he passed them. Then, a flyer caught his eye. A boxing match.  
_Little Mac, newbie from the Bronx vs France's statistical impossibility, Glass Joe!!!_  
"France huh? Ain't that a devil of a coincidence."  
He read more.  
"1 win 99 losses? Holy shit...Hmmmm match starts in 10 minutes." He shrugged. "Ah what the hell. Got nothin' better to do."  
Sniper made his way into the building where the fight was to take place. It was decently crowded, nothing crazy thankfully. He got a good vantage point.  
Soon, the two fighters entered the ring and the crowd lit up with excitement.  
First was the boy with the green boxing gloves. He waved at the crowd.  
"Yeah! Go get him, Little Mac!" Shouted what Sniper assumed was his coach. Then on the other side of the ring,  
"Bonjour, Bonjour-" the man unceremoniously tripped over his feet, then corrected himself with a nervous laugh. _Well, he certainly does seem like someone who could lose a hundred matches,_ Sniper thought. As he watched the redhead get pummeled, eventually he found himself getting bored.  
"Forget it. This bloke barely even puts up a…" he stopped, realizing what he was about to say. He looked at Glass Joe, eyed his fit body. Maybe that's just what he needed. Suddenly the fight became a lot more interesting.  
Intermission came and he got to hear that voice again. Despite not knowing what he was saying, Sniper found himself getting turned on simply at the fact that it was French. "Stupid Spy's conditioned me."  
But this man's voice was much deeper. "His moans probably won't be as girly. God I hope he speaks English."  
Round two started and the beating began again. Sniper watched the Frenchman's movements intently.  
The fight was over soon, Glass Joe on the ground.  
"Knock Out!!"  
The crowd cheered for Little Mac. Glass Joe was approached by a physician with a health pack, who patched him up, helped him stand, and left. The crowd slowly dispersed, and when most of it had gone, Sniper approached the forlorn man.  
"Hey."  
The boxer jumped a little and looked at his addresssor.  
"You speak English?"  
"Y-yes?"  
_This one's high-strung. Gotta be careful not to spook him._ Sniper held out his hand. Glass Joe slowly took it.  
"My co-workers call me Sniper, but you can call me Mundy."  
"Sniper…?"  
_Fuck! Messed up already._  
"Don't mind that. Your name is Joe, right?"  
"Yes...uh, nice to meet you, monsieur Mundy."  
He brought his hand back.  
"So Joe, are you busy tonight?"  
"No. Why do you ask?"  
Sniper shrugged. "Just thinking we could go out, get something to eat, grab some drinks and uh…" he tipped his sunglasses down. "See where the night goes from there."  
Joe blushed, "...oh...no one has ever…" he bit his lip.  
"I promise you won't regret it. I can show you how we do things down under."  
"I am not sure what you mean, but…" he paused, and looked down. "I have to take a shower first."  
Sniper smiled. "Go ahead, I'll be waiting."  
Joe nodded and exited the ring and went off to a side door to the locker room. Sniper took out a cigarette and brought it to his lips, lighting it and taking a drag. He stood there and got to thinking.  
"I'll wait 45 minutes tops. He'll probably get too nervous and leave...ah well. Worst case scenario I don't get any."  
And so he waited, quite used to being still for a long period of time. The arena was emptied. He admitted to himself that he was probably only doing this to make Spy jealous. "Serves him right, the coward." Though Joe did intrigue him. "He's pretty cute honestly."  
Just as he finished his cigarette, he saw Joe open the door and make his way toward him. _Well that's a pleasant surprise._  
The man was wearing dark pants and a skin tight black tank top, carrying a bag. Once he was standing in front of him, he cleared his throat.  
"Ah, monsieur Mundy... I… I'm not very hungry and...I don't drink. I try to stay healthy, yes? So...I was thinking…"  
He paused.  
"Yeah?"  
"Maybe we can just, ah, go back to my place?"  
Sniper's surprise doubled. _Well that was unexpected...and pretty damn sexy._ His voice got lower.  
"Yeah, I think I'd like that."  
Joe gulped and motioned for Sniper to follow him. He led him out of the building and down the street, to a hotel that was conveniently close. Sniper was starting to get worked up, imagining getting his hands on the other man. Joe glanced at him from time to time. Soon they reached the hotel, and before too long they were finally in the room. The door shut behind them and Joe put his bag down.  
"Monsieur Mundy. You…do want sex, right?"  
"God yes."  
"...Do you want to know what would...really turn me on?"  
"Absolutely," Sniper said in a low voice.  
Joe got closer, put his hands on Sniper's chest.  
"I want your mouth on my neck."  
Sniper felt that familiar heat. He chuckled before placing his hands on Joe's shoulders and slowly leaning forward to press his face in his neck. Nose against skin, he inhaled deeply, taking in the pheromones and strawberry scented body wash. It fueled his arousal and he growled softly. Joe gasped and let out a shaky breath. Sniper licked at the pale skin, up to the ear, which he nibbled on before pulling back a bit.  
"Want me to bite you?"  
Joe shivered.  
"Oh...yes, please."  
"Right then."  
The mercenary bared his teeth and sunk them into the place where shoulder met neck. Joe hummed, Sniper closed his lips on his neck to gently suck and nip at different places. Joe made small noises at the sensations of pain and pleasure he received from the attention to his sensitive neck. Each one made Sniper more aroused.  
"M-Monsieur Mundy…" he finally said. "the bed…"  
Sniper pulled back. He should tell Joe that he didn't need to be so formal...but damn did being called that turn him on.  
"Good idea. I wanna pin you to the mattress and drive you crazy."  
Joe bit his lip and a small but desperate noise escaped him. He stepped away and took shaky steps towards the bed, sitting on it and bending over to undo his laces.  
"Hey, good thinkin'," Sniper commented before removing his accessories, then his vest. He removed each piece until he was in his pants, then climbed onto the bed, where Joe was waiting for him in his underwear.  
"Look at you, so ready for me. You look like a four-course meal."  
Joe tilted his head. "Hmm?"  
"Sorry. I'm a bit of a talker you should know. Hope you don't mind."  
"No, not at all. I really like the sound. It's…" his voice dropped to a whisper. "Sexy."  
_Oh my God._ Sniper got even more horny. He crawled next to Joe and leaned in next to his ear, putting his hand on his chest.  
"You like that? You like when I talk dirty? I'll keep doing it then." His fingers found a hard nipple and toyed with it, causing Joe's breathing to get heavy and punctuated by small moans.  
"Sensitive, are we? I'll bet I can make you moan real loud. Make you scream my name."  
"Uhn, M-Mundy…"  
Sniper chuckled. "That's right, love. Tell me how much you want it. Beg for it," Sniper muttered as he moved his hand lower.  
"Oh, please, more, I need more, I- _haa!_ " Joe ended his plea with a breathy noise of pleasure as he felt the wandering hand squeeze his erection through his underwear.  
"Now, let's take a gander at this little beauty."  
Sniper pushed that waistband down and eyed the freed cock with wonder.  
"Crikey," he whispered. "Not bad."  
"R-really?"  
"Yeah. You got a nice size."  
"Oh, I am not so sure."  
"Yeah. Here," Sniper pushed his pants down and off his legs. His lack of underwear allowed his hard dick to be released. Once the pants were discarded, Sniper sat up and put his leg on the other side of Joe's, straddling him and pressing their lengths together. There was no denying the difference.  
"See? You're almost an inch and a half longer than me."  
"Oh...wow."  
"Mmm," Sniper hummed as he started moving his hips, letting their cocks rub together. Joe moaned.  
"Yeah, you're big. Much bigger than someone else I know. Noisier too. Hell, maybe I'll fuck you from now on. Would mean a lot less trouble for me."  
"Mmhm. And who, exactly, is this mystery man you're talking about?"  
The voice came from the corner of the room and startled the two men, Joe especially. Sniper rolled his eyes.  
"Ugh, bloody spook. What are you doing here?"  
Spy uncloaked.  
"Wouldn't you like to know."  
"Doesn't surprise me in the least. I can never escape you, can I? You're like a disease."  
"Just making sure you don't get into trouble. You're not exactly good at picking partners."  
"Yeah you're certainly proof of that."  
"Uhm, excusez-moi messieurs?"  
The bickering men looked at Joe.  
Spy smiled. "Ah, but this one is unlike the rest. It appears you've developed a taste for finer things."  
Spy oogled the other Frenchman. He asked him a question in their language, to which Joe responded. They went back and forth, ignoring Sniper, who could only barely follow by deciphering their tones. Conversing, conversing...soft? Hesitation? Maybe...sadness? Then they looked at him. Looked him up and down. Spy said something, a definite shift in tone. They paused. Then Joe said something that made Sniper perk up. Something unmistakable that he definitely recognized.  
"Ménage à Troi?"  
Spy smirked.  
"Trés bien," he said, pulling his gloves off and working the buttons on his overcoat. He stood at the edge of the bed, removing his clothes piece by piece. Well, this was certainly not how Sniper expected the night to go, but he sure as fuck wasn't complaining.  
When Spy was left in just his underwear (and balaclava of course), he mounted the bed and situated himself next to Joe. He stroked the redhead's face and whispered something in his ear, earning a small passionate noise. Making sure Sniper had a good view, he closed his eyes and locked lips with the man. Immediately they both started moaning. Sniper could see their tongues every time they slightly pulled apart and went in for it again. The sight and sound of it aroused him.  
"Fuck," he breathed as he took his cock in hand. Spy's hand explored Joe's body as they made out. His biceps, then pecs, then abs all received attention. At some point Spy pulled back, leaving them both out of breath, and looked at Sniper.  
"Well? Are you just going to sit there and watch or are you going to help me?"  
Sniper smirked.  
"Now you're talkin'."  
The Aussie rolled over until he was at Joe's side opposite to spy, his hand sliding down to rub the flushed man's inner thigh and push his underwear off his legs. Joe bent his knees to aid with this task, and soon he was completely naked.  
Joe moaned and whined as those experienced hands fondled and caressed his toned body.  
"Listen to him," Sniper growled. "So noisy. You'd think he'd never been fucked before."  
"Indeed. I think we need to show him how it is done."  
Spy spoke French again, his voice low, and Joe responded eagerly.  
"Hey come on, I can't help but feel a little left out here," Sniper complained.  
"Go ahead," Spy urged. "Tell him what you want."  
"I…I want…You both to…"  
"Say it."  
"F-fuck me. Fuck me please!"  
Sniper felt his dick throb.  
"Okay love, but only since you asked so nicely."  
He pulled away and sat up.  
"Now here's what I want you to do. Want you to get on all fours so we can take you from both ends. Think you can handle both of us?"  
"Ohh yes, yes!"  
"That's what I like to hear."  
And so the boxer got into position and looked up at Sniper with pleading eyes.  
"God you're so cute," Sniper praised.  
"Yes, you can tell how much he loves it," Spy replied, retrieving lube from the bedside night stand drawer before getting behind Joe. Sniper watched as he lubed his fingers and then slid one into that willing ass, making the man in question bite his lip. As Spy worked that hole, Sniper got into position, his dick just out of Joe's reach.  
"You want it?"  
"Y-yes."  
"Tell me then. Tell ol' Mundy what you want."  
"I want to suck your cock monsieur, please!"  
"Atta boy."  
He brought his dick to those wet lips and it was quickly taken in. He groaned when he felt that wet heat and that slick tongue, and soon the vibrations of a passionate moan when Spy, after thorough preparation, pushed his own penis in.  
Joe made noises in the back of his throat as he was fucked from both sides. It was one of the sexiest things Sniper had ever seen.  
"Fuck. Fuck. You're so hot, you know that? You take cock so well. Can't wait to make you cum. You're gonna-"  
"Sniper!"  
Sniper looked up to see Spy holding a hand up.  
"Top shelf."  
He thought it an odd request, but he wasn't going to leave Spy hanging, so he gave him that high five.  
"Now shut up."  
Spy leaned over and talked quietly to Joe, in their native language of course, then grabbed hold of his penis, jerking him off. The sounds coming from the man's throat got louder, his hips moved faster.  
"Yes, go on. cum for us," Spy hissed. That seemed to have pushed Joe over the edge and started a chain reaction; Spy reached orgasm after him, and hearing Spy's high-pitched moans caused Sniper to follow into that euphoric white-hot ecstasy. They fucked, faster, then...slower, their orgasms beginning to fade into that blissful, tired state.  
The two men pulled out, their cocks leaving strings of cum. All three held still while catching their breath. Spy slowly grabbed a shirt from off the ground and used it to wipe up the cum on his end.  
"...Hey wait you bloody rat that's my shirt!" Sniper accused.  
"You can live without it," spy dismissed, tossing the shirt aside.  
"Bastard," muttered the bushman before moving down to lay next to Joe.  
"Did you like it?" He asked.  
Joe answered with a nod.  
"Oui, it was... _amazing._ "  
Spy crawled to Joe's other side.  
"You know, he wouldn't have cum half as hard if it was just you," he sneered.  
"Yeah keep telling yourself that. He probably would have cum harder if he didn't have to hear your girly moans," Sniper retorted.  
"At least I took a shower recently. When was the last time you bathed, you barbarian?"  
"I can't help it if this is what a real man smells like."  
"Oh please, I highly doubt-"  
Spy was cut off by the giggles coming from Joe that turned to full on laughter.  
"What's so funny?" The mercenaries said simultaneously.  
"You two. You are so perfect for each other."  
The two men blushed and looked away from each other.  
"You have no idea, do you? You both care more deeply than you let on. I have not known you for very long, but even I can see that there is more there."  
Sniper and Spy stayed silent.  
"Hmmm, we'll talk about it some more tomorrow then. Good night."  
"Good night."  
"Night."

_One week later_

"So, you both have trouble complimenting each other. You say such nasty things, but you do not mean it. You really do have a lot you like about the other. Spy, tell Sniper something you like about him."  
"...I like your quick wit. I don't really mean it when I call you an idiot all the time."  
Joe nodded. "Sniper?"  
"I like when you're not a bitch."  
_"Sniper."_  
"...I appreciate that you take care of yourself."  
"Good! Now we will do trust exercises."  
Sniper did a double take.  
"D...Do you know what Spy does?"  
Despite his initial hesitations, Sniper had to admit, Joe was starting to help him make sense of his relationship with Spy. He may not have heard of couple's counseling that half the time ended with the couple in question spit roasting their counselor, but damn if it didn't work. Hell, more people should do it.


End file.
